Almost Dying on a Hill Overlooking Talisker Bay Beach
A Poem by Scott McConnaha
The owner of this rented cottage
says his favorite non-mountain hike
is a hill next to Talisker Bay Beach.
The description promises a fascinating formation
of volcanic rock columns at the top and
one of the finest views in all of Skye.
I reread his description three times
in the drizzle not sure where to plant
my first step. No marker, no clear path, only
a steep and tall grass-covered mountain
dotted with sheep looking down
on me in more ways than one.
Zig-zagging up the slippery wet grass,
scouting out sheep routes by the narrow lines
of bare earth and piles of poop,
I stopped halfway up to catch a breath
and argue with myself about whether
it was wise to continue.
Dizzy with blood pressure pills and
panting from too many years of declaring that
I need to start working out, I believed this has to be
what it feels like right before a heart attack and
regretted not wearing brighter colors
to make it easier for the search team.
On top, the wind howled and drove the painful rain
straight into my face.
I took steps in every direction,
but could not find those must-see rocks.
Nor could I do anything but imagine
the brilliant vista that must be over there … or there.
I stumbled my way back to the precipice
and began the curse-filled climb down.
People familiar with this hill
will likely say, you dummy. Fifty more feet
and you’d have banged your head
right into those basalt columns.
To which I can only say, I have no doubt,
but you weren’t up there the day God decided
it was time to re-flood the earth.
Down enough to have the rain finally falling
on top of my head instead of straight into my mouth,
I found a wet clump of grass that wasn’t covered
in shit and sat down, no longer caring
about being soaked through to my nethers.
I pulled out the apple I’d brought and thought
this could be my last meal. Figures.
I tossed the core toward a sheep that
had been staring at me and told it to tell my story
before dizzily standing to resume
the descent.